#2881
[PM] This is terrible!!!
Date: 06/28/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Belated Reply Mode>>>
[PM and Linky are alone in the main bar area. PM is pacing back and forth, and is obviously agitated. Linky is sitting at one of the booths, sipping on a milkshake.]
[Linky] What's wrong?
[PM] We've got trouble. BIG trouble. How the hell did HE come back? I thought we got rid of him for good...
[Linky] Got rid of who for good? Would you just tell me what's happening?
[PM] First Sam went missing. Then Nick. Then Buffalo, and Nabut, and finally Rick.
[Linky] So? They probably just all went out somewhere. Who knows with that lot?
[PM] Linky, they've been kidnapped. Or worse, I don't know. You have to trust me on this. There's more going on than just them disappearing, too.
[Linky] Such as?
[PM stops pacing and looks straight at Linky.] Instrumental interludes have been playing at random times. [He gestures to her as if it explains everything. But since she wasn't around for TFTD: The Musical, it doesn't.]
[Linky] Yeah, I noticed that. Is the sound system on the fritz?
[PM] I had thought so, until I unhooked it. No, that music is coming from the one who's behind all this. The only one it could be.
[Linky] Who?
[PM] Suite, of course.
[Linky favors him with a blank look.]
[PM] The musical demon. You know, the one who would have doomed the entire Duh to death by song and dance?
[Linky] No, I *don't* know. That must have happened before I showed up.
[PM] Oh yeah, you're right. [He gasps suddenly.] You have to get out of here.
[Linky] What?!?
[PM] It's not safe here. You have to get away, in case I can't stop him.
[Linky] Dammit! Why are you treating me like a kid all of a sudden? It's really starting to get on my nerves!
[PM] Because I care about you, kid. And because I don't want people talking about... err...
[Linky] You're still worried about people thinking about you and me...?
[PM] Well, YEAH. I mean, You're like slightly over half my age. I may be a villain, but I don't want people thinking I'm a pervert or something.
[Linky, furious.] You... you... MAN! ARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!! [She storms off.]
[PM] Wait! I just... [Linky slams the door.] Sheesh, didn't want you to go away mad. Just to get out while you can. [He shrugs, and stands up.] Well, whatever. Time to do this like Brutus. But first, a quick stop in the lab...
[Five minutes later, he enters the room with the DDI machine. It's completely dark, except for the machine's flickering screen, and its crazily flashing display lights. PM stops in front of the machine and poins menacingly at it.]
[PM] Okay, Suite. You can come out now.
[Western showdown-type music starts playing as Suite appears with a flash of fire. He's wearing his snazzy red suit.]
[Suite] It's about time. I've been waiting a long time.
[PM] Yeah, things have been busy lately.
[Suite] Too busy to write all the replies you were supposed to?
[PM] Huh?
[Suite] You know what I'm talking about. You were supposed to write a reply for each of your henchmen being kidnapped. Instead, you just sort of summed it all up in the beginning of this one.
[PM] Would you just stick to the script?
[Suite] I'm just saying. You're cheating me again!
[PM] Look, I would have written those replies if I had had the time to. But things came up, okay? I've lost a lot of my enthusiasm for this storyline already. Can we just finish it and move on to something else already?
[Suite] Okay, fine. But you're just depriving the Suite fans out there, you know.
[PM] I know, I know. All three of them. Now let's go!
[Suite mutters under his breath, but then starts speaking his proper lines.] Yes, I know. So busy with all the little distractions in your so-called life that it was easy to sneak in and steal your henchmen right out from under your nose. Behold!
[Dramatic music flares as Suite gestures toward the screen. Sure enough, little pixelated versions of Sam, Buffalo, Nick, Nabut, and Rick are all dancing frantically on it.]
[PM] You monster!
[Suite grins wickedly.] Thank you for noticing. And don't get any funny ideas about summoning Yatta to get rid of me this time. I'm suppressing the impulse to sing. Sure, it takes some of my fun away, but it *does* make things safer for me.
[PM] Guess that means that I'm going to out-dance your sorry ass.
[Suite laughs.] Pretty much. Here's the deal: you beat my Dance Dance Inferno machine, and you free your friends and banish me. Lose, and you're mine to torment forever. I don't think I have much to worry about, though. If I remember right, you don't dance *or* sing. You'll be toast in no time. [He laughs again.]
[PM] Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you. [He smirks.] But I've got to try, huh?
[Suite] Yes, you do. So start already. I can't wait to see you burn.
[PM gets up on the platform, and selects "Close To Me" performed by The Get Up Kids. It starts slowly, but quickly picks up the pace.]
[Suite] I forgot to mention... I set the difficulty for Super-Expert. Hope you don't mind-- [He notices that PM is keeping up quite handily with the insanely complicated arrow pattern. In fact, PM isn't even breaking a sweat.] How the hell are you doing that?
[PM] Oh, *I* forgot to mention... I took the opportunity to put on one of my latest inventions before I came here, because I figured it'd come down to this once I figured out you were behind all of this. Behold... the Dance Pants!!!
[Suite notices that PM's pants are vaguely metallic, and have neat little blinking LEDs all down the outer seam.] Well, damn it.
[PM] So, I guess it won't be long until I've freed my friends and sent you back to where you came from, bub.
[Suite] Don't gloat so soon, mister. You're doing well enough so far, but you have 665 more levels to get through after this one. And most of them aren't nearly *this* easy. Hope you put fresh batteries in those things. [He cackles evilly.]
[PM] Oh, poopie.
TmPM
Yes, there's more.
I just figured this reply was long enough.
And I need sleep, too.
Sarcophagus!
Red Light for every character in this reply
Unless Linky wants to do something with her character.
In which case, Yellow Light, please. =)
#2882
6969: I'm glad the vampires are gone!
Date: 07/01/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Torky? Torky??????
Tork: (Looking at the refridgarator): Oh! Right, right.....Look at all this space! Plenty of room for OKS!
(Back at the pool)
Voice: Silly girl, not all the vampires are gone....just the posers, anyway...
6969: Eep! Torky!
Sunday: Tork's here? Finally! I've been looking all over for him since that damn game show! That thing was so rigged!
6969: Wha...what do you want from me?
Sunday: (Sarcastically) Why, I'm going to bake you a cake!
6969: Oh, that's a relief! I thought you were going to suck my blood.
Sunday: (Rolls her eyes)
6969: Oh. (Screams) Hey...nice chainsaw.
Sunday: Oh! Thanks!
6969: But you're a vampire....isn't a chainsaw a little...exesscive?
Sunday: Girls gotta accesorize!
6969: Oh, I hear you!...(Screams again)
Tork: (Enters the room) What? I was in the middle of throwing away all that nasty yogurt! I...SUNDAY!!!!
Sunday: Hello, Tork.
Tork: What are you doing here?
Sunday: I like to mess with the bat girls' minds. I live right next door. Well, I guess I don't "live" there, per se..but....Hey! Why am I telling you this?
Tork: Um...helpful exposition? Heh heh...
Sunday: Wow. I never realized, you are so cute whne you're scared.
6969: He sure is. (Screams)
Tork: Yeah, well...(blushes, then clears throat), I think this would be a great place for GROPE's new hq. Except for the vampire problem. And of course, the freaks that already live here.
Sunday: You know....If you want, I could kill the bat girls for you...
Tork: Well, I don't want them killed, just...
Sunday: Done and done. I'll kill them, and then you can move in, and we can get married, and...
Tork: Woah, woah, WOAH!!!! First of all, marriage? Second of all, All of GROPE would move in. Third of all, MARRIAGE???????????
Sunday: At least he forgot about me killing the bat girls...
Tork: I can't marry you! It goes against every one of my religious beliefs! And I've never been a fan of necrophilia! And don't forget the shark jumping issues....
Sunday: How about this: If you don't marry me, I'll kill you....
Tork: Well, I've had a good run....
Sunday: Fine..be that way! (Sits down and cries) You know, I never asked to be a vampire! Stupid college guys! Inviting me to that stupid frat party! They said there'd be Jello shots! I've been a senior since 1982!
6969: You could always threaten the dean! He'll let you graduate! (Screams)
Tork: I don't think that's what she meant.
Sunday: All this time, looking for a guy, and then one comes along-that doesn't run-and he just shuts you down!
6969: Oh, Torky! Give her a chance! (Screams)
Tork: But...but....
Sunday: Really? You mean it? Great!!! Just let me go kill the bat girls, and then I'll be ready! (Leaves)
6969: Oh, Torky! You were so brave! (Starts smooching Tork all over)
Tork: But....but......
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Hey, don't blame me! She probably would've killed them anyway! Neighbors.....
Red Light
#2883
Threaten the dean?
Date: 07/01/2003
From: Tork_110
WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME THAT!? DOH!
#2884
Sunday: Come on!!
Date: 07/02/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Batwoman: There's nothing in the charter about you killing us, sorry!
Sunday: I'll kill Una!
Random Bat Girl: Poor doggie!
Batwoman: There'll be no killing by you of any kind!
Sunday: You're no fun.
Batwoman: What's this all about, anyway?
Sunday: (Nervous) Ah...well...Me, vampire. You, meals on wheels.
Random Bat Girl: Tee hee! I know that face! o/' Sunday's in looove! Sunday's in looove! o/'
Sunday: Am not!
Random Bat Girl: Are too!
Sunday: (Revs up her chainsaw)
Random Bat Girl: OK...maybe not.
Sunday: All he wants is for you girls to move out, and all I want is him!
Batwoman: That's it? We were planning on moving out, anyway!
Sunday: You were?
Batwoman: Yes...we have a problem with one of our neighbors (Glares at Sunday)
Random Bat Girl: We were thinking of Diabolik's place!
Sunday: Yeah....good luck with that. So that's it? Just like that?
Batwoman: Yup.
Sunday: No killing?
Batwoman: No.
Sunday: Are you sure? You won't have to deal with real estate salesmen....
Batwoman: Look, if it was in the charter, I'd gladly let you kill us, but it's not in there!
Sunday: Damn. Well, can I at least smear some of that strawberry yogurt on my lips so Tork will think I killed you?
Batwoman: I don't see a problem with that....here you go!
Sunday: (Starts to smear it on her lips) Oh yuck! Nevermind!
Batwoman: Your loss.
(Meanwhile.....)
Tork: Thank you all for coming. It's been a long time since...everybody? Hello?
6969: I guess everybody's got there own thing going on.
42: (Runs in) Sorry I'm late, I had to...Oh! It's you.....
Tork: Glad you could make it.
42: At least one of us is.
Tork: Anyway, I've got a situation.
6969: Torky needs to marry a scary vampire so we can live here! Oh, and she's also going to kill some people!
42: Ooooh, this could be good......
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc X4
Let's play Scrabble!!!!!
Red Light
#2885
Mickey: So this is the future?
Date: 07/06/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
I gotta say....big disappoinment. Where are the flying cars?
Doc Brown: We're in a flying car.
Mickey: Well, gee...nobody likes a show off.
Manute: Car pretty. Manute wonder if it comes in convertible.
(The car lands at Rowsdower's Pizza, Tacos, Bulldozer Rental, Terminator Exterminators, Car Spokesmodel Agency, and Flying DeLoreanPort)
Mickey: Huh...that's expansion for you....
Doc Brown: Now it's very important you don't run into your future selves. And also, don't take your shirt off...we don't need any women of the future going into comas.
Mickey: Oh, I don't think it's that bad...(Takes his shirt off)
Nuveena: Aiyeee!!!! (faints)
Mickey: Geez....(Puts his shirt back on)
Doc Brown: Oh that's just great.
(A beggar walks up to Mickey, Doc and Manute)
Gramps: Excuse me....I haven't had a bite in weeks.
Mickey: ACK!!! Gramps! Wow...you've aged terribly....
(Manute bites Gramps)
Gramps: Ow! What did you do that for, you freak??? All I want is change, you gosh darn whippersnappers!
Doc Brown: Don't...he'll probably just spend it on booze.
Gramps: Well no duh.
Mickey: Doc, it's not that easy...I know this guy. Gramps...do you remember me?
Gramps: Sure...you're that..one guy. Yeah. Now give me change!
Mickey: Why don't we all go out for a drink?
Gramps: No, I just want money!
Mickey: We have a lot of catching up to do (Zaps Gramps with Doc Brown's taser)
Doc Brown: I really should've left that in the car
(Later, at Cafe 2000)
Gramps: Ooooh, I hates this place. It's so new fangled.
Mickey: Barkeep, a round of Old Kentucky Shark!
Rick Jr>: Would you like New Kansas Dolphin with that? It's now 100% Tuna Free!
Mickey: Ewwwww....no thanks.
(A girl walks through the door)
Doc Brown: Duck!
Mickey: Crap...did that damn thing get off the island again?
Doc Brown: It's your daughter! (Everyone ducks down)
Manute (Whispers): Manute think your daughter look like you with makeup
Mickey (Whispers): Oh good...I thought maybe I became a drag queen in the future.
Rick Jr.: Oh that's right...I forgot it's someone's 21st birthday. But you don't look a day over 20.
6969 JP DHRHG Manosgirl Gardener: Oh you!
Mickey: Get my gun.....
Rick Jr: I have a break coming up....like right now.
6969 JP DH...Mickey's Daughter: Meet me in the ladies room?
Rick Jr.: Sure...but turn the lights off. And put a bag over your head too.
(Both leave)
Mickey: Huh...(Gets up to look around the bar) Oooooooh! Superpoiner!
Little Torky: You know how to play, mister?
Mickey: Sure thing! You put a quarter in the slot, and you look at the screen...and you do this! (Poins at the screen)
Little Torky: You mean you have to poin with your hand?? It's like a baby toy!
Mickey: Yeah..well....think fast!! (Poins at Little Torky)
Little Torky: (Kicks Mickey in the groin) Mommy!!!
Gypsy: You insulent little....
Mickey: Eeeep! (Runs out of the bar)
Doc Brown: You know, just once, I'd like a quiet trip to the future!
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
My daughter gets her looks from her mother...I'm sure of it...I hope.
Red Light
#2886
Sunday: Honey, I'm home!!
Date: 07/09/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Tork: Oh. Joy............
42: *snicker*
6969: You didn't kill those poor batgirls did you?
Sunday: Why....Yes! Yes I did!
6969: (cries)
Sunday: Yup...they didn't even fight or anything. Said it wasn't in their charter. Shame. I love when they fight back.
(Phone rings)
42: Hello? Oh, hi Batwoman....
(Everyone looks at Sunday)
Sunday: She was a good adversary. I had to let her live.
Tork: I can't believe you'd lie about something like that.
Sunday: Vampire. Undead sister of the Prince of Lies. Geez...
42: Uh huh? Oh, I didn't even know the place was for sale. Yeah, we'll take it off you!
Sunday: So, about the wedding?
Tork: Yeah...about the wedding. See, the funny thing is my parents always wanted me to have a church wedding, so...
Sunday: Well, we'll just have to kill them!
Tork: What?
Sunday: Why not? Angel got to do it!
Tork: Marry Mickey! His parents are dead!
(Somewhere in the future, Future Tork gets slapped by a future Trout)
Sunday: Mickey? Please! I'd rather marry Hitler! Or Fran Drescher.
Tork: Heh heh...that's nice (To 6969) Quick! Get the stake!
6969: But I don't eat beef!
(Tork slaps himself in the head)
42: (Hangs up the phone) So the Batgirls will sell us the place.
Sunday: Ooooh...we're gonna be neighbors! Isn't that nice, Tork? (Hugs Tork, squeezing him very hard)
Tork: Well...there'll be more room for you now that my spleen is gone....
42: They'll sell it to us ONLY if we get them a lifetime supply of Strawberry yogurt.
Everybody: Ewwwwwwww......!!!
Tork: Can't we just bring them the head of Carrot Top or something?
Sunday: I can do that!
Tork: Too late.
42: Sunday, you're our best hope. Go to the Strawberry Yogurt World Reserve in the middle of the Saharra desert and bring us back all that you can...
Sunday: But it's the desert...that's a lot more sun than I would like....
Tork: (Puts his arm around Sunday) I believe in you.
Sunday: I'll be back in a few days! (Runs out of GROPE's new HQ)
Tork: Is there a Strawberry Yogurt World Reserve in the Sahara Desert?
42: Don't say I've never done anything nice for you (Kicks Tork in the groin)
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Ack! There's nothing worse then a melted Sunday....(Kidding, I'm not killing her off!)
Green Light
#2887
I suck and I hate me
Date: 07/10/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Green Light on Tork & co, Red Light on Sunday
#2888
<At Batwoman's place....>
Date: 07/12/2003
From: Tork_110
Lita42: That's more like it.
Tork: Lita6969 just left. She had a date with...what are you doing?
Lita42: I'm making the place look like the old HQ.
Tork: I remember there being more to Diabolik's Lair than Bono posters. Hey, what does that guy have that I don't have?
Lita42: A cool accent.
Tork: Wha if aye stared talkin like dis?
Lita42: ... A career as a rock star.
Tork: I could play Silent Night on the casio.
Lita42: ... A mansion.
Tork: Well, look what I got for us!
Lita42: About a bajillion bucks.
Tork: Pfft! Anyone could make that.
<Several minutes later...>
Lita42: Oh, if only he were here. I would take off my...
Tork: OK! I get it!
Lita42: I'm going to check on Pooduck.
Tork: Wha?!
Lita42: He's outside. <she leaves>
Tork: You better clean any mess he makes!!!! Like that one right there!! <poins> Huh!?!? Aww, crap.
<Tork cleans the mess. He's not happy about it.>
Tork: Stupid dogduck. Lita42 should have gotten her boney butt in here and cleaned it.
Lita42: BONEY BUTT?!
Tork: GAH!
Lita42: Boney butt?!!?
Tork: 42, uh, hi!
Lita42: .... <glares at Tork>
Tork: So, umm, <falsetto> Sorry?
Lita42: Hmph! Come on, Pooduck.
Pooduck: Barquack!
<Lita42 gives Tork one more glare, and goes to her room, which she just picked out.>
That wacky Tork! He always finds a way to say something dumb!
Green Light
#2889
The Carmelita9000 Cliff Notes
Date: 07/13/2003
From: Tork_110
--------------------------------------------
Favorite Movie - Mr. Bono goes to Washington
Favorite Game - U2: The Adventure of Bono
Favorite Book - The Hitchhikers Guide To Bono
Favorite Painting - Whistler's Bono
Favorite Pizza - Anything personally delivered by Bono
Favorite Drink - Bono Cola
Favorite Saying - "I like Bono!"
etc.
#2890
The Tork_110 Cliff Notes
Date: 07/14/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Turnabout's Fair Play Mode>>>
Favorite Movie - It's a Nuveena, Nuveena, Nuveena, Nuveena World
Favorite Game - Thelma Tadlock's Dance-Out!
Favorite Book(s) - The NuveenaWorld series
Favorite Painting - Rembrandt's "The Prodigal Nuveena"
Favorite Pizza - Any kind's good, so long as he can watch "Design For Dreaming" while eating it
Favorite Drink - Pibb Xtra (Xtra Nuveena, that is!)
Favorite Saying - "Pack your tutus, girls. There's a NEWveena in town!"
Heehee! Fun!
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#2891
<Lita and EM are sitting in a diner>
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Lita: Pay the bill, Evil Mike.
EM: You pay the bill.
Lita: No, you pay the bill.
EM: No, you pay the bill.
Lita: No, you pay the--
<Meanwhile, outside...>
Spidey: <waits patiently in the parking lot>
<Back inside>
Lita: --bill.
EM: No, you pay the bill.
Lita: What if I paid the tip and you paid the bill?
EM: What if we just left without paying?
Lita: JUST PAY THE BILL!
<Back outside>
Spidey: <Is suddenly not waiting patiently in the parking lot. In fact, the space is empty!>
<Lita and Evil Mike come out of the diner, but the mystery of who paid the bill shall remain unsolved because...>
Lita: Where's Spidey?
<Spidey is missing!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Yellow Light
#2892
Coming soon, on the TftD DVD...
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Tork_110
...........................
Restored scenes! Scenes that were originally cut, but now can be viewed for the first time!!!
...
Lita: No, you pay the bill.
EM: No, you pay the bill.
Lita: No, you pay the bill.
EM: No, you pay the bill.
Lita: No, you pay the bill.
EM: No, you pay the bill.
Lita: No, you pay the bill.
EM: No, you pay the bill.
Lita: Oh yeah?
EM: Yeah!
Time - 10 seconds
Just in time for Christmas!
#2893
I'moo holding this rp hostage!
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
That's right. Moo! Mooad cow! I have a gun! I want ten moollion dollars and a ticket to Tahiti by mooidnight!!!!
#2894
Blah! I hate you, you stupid cow!!
Date: 07/16/2003
From: DawnSummers
Don't make me use this crossbow! I've been leaving it lieing around willy nilly!
#2895
Bring it on, devil womoon!!!
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
You don't have the stones, you pile of moonure!
#2896
You shouldn't use poiny weapones
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Speedy_Gonzalez
Seniorita. Si? They could really hurt meeee.....
#2897
Bite mooe, moouse!
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
Stay out of this, rodent!
#2898
I have to go to the bathroom
Date: 07/16/2003
From: DawnSummers
But I'll be back! Blah! I still remember how to pee! You lie! She's not dead! She's not dead!!! Get out, get out, GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!
#2899
/a hits Cow over the head with his gitar
Date: 07/16/2003
From: EI_Kabong
Kabong!!!
#2900
Shutup all of you!
Date: 07/16/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
I'm trying to sleep!
MTG :o)
#2901
<throws Chunky Soup at Mickey>
Date: 07/16/2003
From: Tork_110
Oh wait, wrong string of replies. Never mind!
#2902
Lita: Where's Spidey?!
Date: 07/17/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
EM: *shrug*
Lita: Evil Mike, where's Spidey?!
EM: How the hell should I know? Quit asking me.
Lita: He wouldn't just wander off! He's a good car who knows to stay put!
EM: He's a spider. <Evil Mike rolls his eyes and wanders off.>
Lita: Evil Mike! Come back here! Now's no time to leave!
EM: <not stopping> I guess we could just stand around this diner forever and never go anywhere else. I just happen to think that would be boring.
Lita: <following Evil Mike> Why are you heading off into the bushes?
EM: I thought we could make out.
Lita: No! Not now! Not with Spidey missing!
EM: Awww, come on!
Lita: I'm not in the mood!
EM: It's not like we have anything else to do! <He crouches down amongst the bushes and pulls Lita down>
Lita: Evil Mike! I said-- hey, shh!
EM: That's not what you said, you said--
Lita: Be quiet! There's some guys over there and I don't want them to notice us back here and think we're doing anything indecent!
EM: But we are doing--
Lita: No we're not! Now hush!
<As Lita and Evil Mike finally quiet down the two men Lita was talking about pause a few feet away from them. They're dressed in a lot of army gear and camouflage and are apparently unaware that Lita and Evil Mike are nearby as they proceed to have the following conversation:>
Army Guy: Some day, huh?
Army Dude: Sure is. I thought we'd never get that huge spider monster under control!
Army Guy: Yeah! He sure didn't want to come along. I'm surprised we managed to finally get him into our secret monster studying military base behind that Wal-Mart over there.
Army Dude: I'm not. We rock.
Army Guy: I guess we should get back over to the secret elevator behind the dumpsters and report back to the base pretty quick.
Army Dude: Yeah. And don't forget your password again, ok? I don't want a repeat of what happened last time!
Army Guy: I know, I know! It's 45289! Quit nagging me about that! It hurts my feelings!
<As the Army men start to walk away, Lita and Evil Mike look at each other>
Lita: Did you hear that?
EM: Actually, I wasn't paying attention.
Lita: They've got Spidey! Let's get those guys!
EM: Finally you wanna do something I wanna do!
<Lita and Evil Mike burst out of the bushes and tackle the Army men, entirely unworried by the fact that the Army men are well armed and trained in the art of fighting with gardening tools. Lita and Evil Mike have the element of surprise on their side, however, and they manage to knock the guys out.>
EM: That was cool!
Lita: Yes, Evil Mike, now help me get these guys' clothes off.
EM: Aww, Lita! You said you weren't in the mood! I see how that changes when Army guys are involved!
Lita: No, Evil Mike. We're just dressing as these guys so we won't get caught sneaking around their base.
<With a little more bickering from both sides, Lita and Evil Mike manage to take off the Army guys' clothes, leaving them their underwear. They then put the guys' clothes, which just so happen to fit just fine.>
Lita: There! Now they'll never know we don't belong to the base!
EM: You still don't look like one of the Army guys.
Lita: We're wasting time! Let's go save Spidey!
EM: Breaking and Entering! <He pumps his fist in the air> Yeah!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Red Light
#2903
Lita: It should be right here!
Date: 07/19/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Lita is digging around in some trash by the dumpster behind the Wal-Mart.>
Lita: The Army dudes said it would be right here!
EM: What are you looking for?
Lita: The secret elevator, remember?
EM: You mean like this secret elevator?
<Lita looks up and sees Evil Mike standing by an elevator door.>
Lita: That wasn't there when we got here.
EM: Yes it was. Just some boxes and junk were in front of it. I pushed them the hell over and these doors were here.
Lita: I've been digging in garbage for five minutes. How long have you known those doors were there?
EM: About four and a half minutes.
Lita: <obviously pissed> You are so lucky we're in a hurry.
<Lita jabs the button and the doors open. Lita and Evil Mike get into the elevator, and then stand there as it starts to go down. As the elevator descends, a female voice comes over the intercom>
Voice: Enter your pass code please.
<Lita remembers the numbers revealed in the previous reply, and enters them onto the number pad.>
Voice: State your name for the voice recognition security clearance, please.
Lita: Um...
EM: You're screwed.
Voice: State your name please.
Lita: Lita?
Voice: You do not have security clearance. You are an intruder. Prepare to be terminated.
<Some scary colored gas starts to fill the elevator from some vents near the floor.>
Lita: How much do you wanna bet that's poison gas?
EM: Oh crap. Now I'm screwed too and it's all because of you.
Lita: Oh, geez. Now listen here, you stupid-ass voice! It's very rude to try to kill us! Now let us out of this elevator before I get really pissed off!
Voice: Well, fine. No need to get snotty.
<The poison gas clears and the doors open. A crowd of Army guys and people in lab coats all turn around and stare at Lita and Evil Mike. An older woman in a lab coat steps forward.>
Lita: Who the hell are you?
Woman: I was about to ask you the same question.
EM: Well we asked first so too bad.
Woman: I am Dr. Langer. I run this secret army lab facility.
Lita: I'm Lita and that's Evil Mike.
Woman: That's nice. <she motions to the army guys> Take them to the brig.
Lita and EM: Doh!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Red Light
#2904
Dude! Where's my Spidey?
Date: 07/20/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita and Evil Mike are cooling their heels in the brig. They're in separate cells, but since the cells are right next to each other they can still talk. The decor is blinding. White floor, white walls, white ceiling. But the cells are open on one side so that Lita and Evil Mike can talk. They can't get out though, because of the forcefield that shocks them every time they try.>
Lita: <sitting near the front of her cell with her back to the wall> This totally sucks.
EM: <sitting on the other side of that wall> Yeah, no kidding.
Lita: We have to escape, Evil Mike.
EM: Yeah, ok. Right away Lita. And how would you like to do that?
Lita: Um... Oh! I know! <Lita walks over to the vent on one wall (there's always a vent) and pulls off the cover. She starts to climb into the vent.>
EM: <listening to all the noise coming from Lita's cell> What are you doing in there?
Lita: <She's halfway into the vent and is kicking her legs, trying to get all the way in> I'm escaping, Evil Mike!
EM: Yeah, but what are you doing?
Lita: <Still trying to pull herself in, and muttering to herself> Darn these childbearing hips... <She gives a stern look to you, the reader> And I'm not fat so you stop thinking it. I'm a perfectly healthy weight for my height and it's not my fault if you have a creepy skeleton fetish. <She gets back into character as she finally manages to pull herself into the vent.>
EM: Lita, are you escaping through the ventilation system?
Lita: Uh...
EM: Because that's such a totally lame way to escape.
Lita: <does not respond because she's already crawling around in the ductwork>
EM: I bet she seduced a guard and then while they were in the midst of passion she totally snapped his neck with her knees! That would be cool.
<As Evil Mike reflects on this and other fun ways for girls to escape from prison, Lita is scrambling around in the air ducts still. There's enough room because that's how these things are made. She pauses by another vent cover and looks down into the room below. A soldier and a lab guy are looking at a giant spider.>
Lab guy: He is certainly an interesting specimen. It will be fascinating to study him further.
Army Man: Yeah, of course it will. <He opens one of Spidey's doors to let the person inside out>
Army Person: First thing you need to do is make it so he stops doing that with his butt!
Lab Guy: Hmmm..
Lita: Oh no! They're gonna hurt Spidey!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
thanks Mickey for naming her reply
Red Light
#2905
Sunday: Tork? Tork? I got the..Tork?
Date: 07/20/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Tork: Women! Why do they have to be so womeny?
Sunday: Tork?
Tork: What is it, womeny type person?
Sunday: I got the stuff! See? A lifetime supply of strawberry yogurt. The rest is out in the truck!
Tork: So?
Sunday: So, that means the place is ours!
Tork: We have enough women here. Go away.
Sunday: Wh...what?
Tork: All you women do is leave your panties and put down the toilet seat and eat all the chocolate. Go away!
Sunday: But...I thought you loved me!
Tork: I never loved you! You were the one who...
Sunday: So you were just using me to get the house?
Tork: Well, in a way, I suppose I was. But you women use us all the time!
Sunday: I went through a hell of a lot of trouble getting this yogurt, and now you're just going to throw me out?
Tork: How did you get that yogurt anyway?
Sunday: Oh it's a very interesting story. See, I got to Africa, and...
(A giant trout falls into GROPE HQ)
Tork: Wow!
Sunday: Huh.
(Up in a floating space station)
Astronaut: So-rry! Just catch another one!
Another astronaut: Oh yeah..how, you mental giant?
(Back on Earth)
Tork: You were saying....
Sunday: Oh right...anyway...wait, I forgot.
Tork: Well fine! Be that way! Woman!
Sunday: Oh that's right! I met a guy in a robot suit just like you! And he's so cool and he helped me get the yogurt and stuff! And you can have it because we're moving to Albuquerque, and you suck and I don't like you anymore!
Tork: What?
Sunday: I never knew what I saw in you!
Tork: But I need you! I need a woman!
Sunday: Sorry...it's just Rorque is seriously better than you in every concievable way! And he ponts like nobody's buisness!
Tork: Why do women do this to me?
Sunday: It's fun! If you were a woman, you'd do it to to you! Or something....(The truck honks) Oh, that's Rorque. Tee hee! He's got a hat that says "Honk if you're horny"! Gotta go! (Leaves)
Tork: Well...better get this yogurt to the bat girls before it starts to stink....I should get one of those hats...
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Master of ceremonies
Green light!
#2906
[Suite] Getting tired yet?
Date: 07/20/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Dance Dance! Mode>>>
[PM's been dancing for some time now. Rivulets of sweat are pouring down his face and he's gritting his teeth from the exertion of what he's doing. "The Israelite" by Desmond Dekker (remixed by The Chemical Brothers) is blaring on the speakers, and the screen indicates that PM's on level 623.]
[Suite grins wickedly.] You'd probably be a bit cooler if you ditched the hat.
[PM] Can't... do... that. Clothes... make the... man...
[Suite] And that hat makes you a doofus. [He chuckles throatily. PM just glares back at him.]
[Suddenly, PM's pants start beeping. Glancing down, PM curses quietly to himself.]
[Suite] Oooh, *that* can't be good. Looks like you shoulda put a bigger battery in your gizmopants, chump. Goes to show that a true master villain is the one who has the skills within him.
[PM] You... haven't... won yet... Suite.
[Suite] No, but from the looks of things that's about to change.
[Suddenly, the door opens, and Linky bounds in.]
[Suite] And what do we have here? I didn't know the Pharaoh kept kittens. How... sordid. [He cackles.]
[Linky] Oh, can it. So you're Suite, huh? Funny, I was expecting someone a whole lot scarier, considering what a fuss Moby was making over you.
[PM] Linky! I told you... to get out!
[Linky] I told you, I'm not a kid. And I'm here to prove it to you by pulling your hash out of the fire.
[Suite] And how do you propose to do that? A little cat like you doesn't have what it takes to stop me. None of the weapons your Pharaoh made can harm me.
[Linky] I know that. I've read your file. I know that the only way to get rid of you is to out-sing and out-dance you.
[Suite] Which nobody can do. Kind of a pity, really. Always winning gets boring after awhile. [He grins.]
[Linky] Tell you what, horn-head. Let Moby go, and *I'll* give you a challenge.
[Suite] And you think you're up to it because...
[Linky] Because I am a DDR *master*. And because I know I'm better than you.
[PM] NO! Don't do it... [The beeping from the Dance Pants becomes more insistent.]
[Suite] YOU, better than ME? [He laughs a lot.] Okay, you are intriguing me. But tell me, why do you want to save this pathetic fool?
[Linky] Because he's my friend. He might get on my nerves sometimes, but that doesn't make him any less a friend. And so I challenge you to a DDR match.
[Suite laughs.] Silly mortals. All right, you have piqued my interest. I hereby free the Pharaoh from our bargain. [Not a moment too soon, either. Because at that moment, the beep becomes continual for ten seconds or so, then the pant legs stop moving. PM moves *very* slowly off of the platform.]
[PM gasps for breath.] Linky... you can't win... this is... what he lives for...
[Linky] I just saved your life, PM. Have some faith in me, please.
[PM catches his breath somewhat, and looks at Linky for a moment.] Okay. I believe in you. Go kick his ass, please.
[Linky gives PM a quick hug, then recoils from him because he's drenched with sweat. The share a look, and Linky smiles at PM before she steps up onto the platform.]
[Suite] All right, my kitten, here are the rules: We both dance for one song. The one with the better score wins. If you win, I will be banished. If I win, I win the Pharaoh's soul, AND you become my queen.
[Linky] But I'm only sixteen!!!
[PM] That hasn't stopped him before. =/
[Suite, to PM] Quiet, you. [To Linky] Are those terms acceptable?
[Linky] I guess they'll have to be. Come on, let's get this over with.
[Suite] Yes, let's.
[The "Seven Nation Army" dance remix starts to play, and both Linky and Suite start to move to the music. Suite seems to be impressed with how easily Linky is keeping up.]
[Suite] Your cat-like reflexes are serving you well. I wonder how long they'll hold out, though... [He chuckles wickedly, and gestures toward the displays. The music speeds up, as does the step indicator arrows.]
[Linky strains to keep up, and manages not to make more than a few mistakes. Suite, of course, hasn't made any mis-steps yet.]
[Suite] Well well. Looks like I'm going to win again... my queen. >:oD
[Linky] I'll *never* lose... (pant pant) to the likes of you! (gasp) Never!!!
[Suite] You already have, more or less. Though your performance is impressive, I haven't made *any* mistakes yet, and the song is nearly over. I don't think you'll be making any miraculous comebacks. [The song ends.] And now, my queen... [A swirling portal opens up underneath Suite, and he starts to be pulled down into it.] WHAT?!? But... how??
[PM taps him on the shoulder, and holds up the cables that used to connect his platform to the main console.] Actually, the *true* master villain knows when to stop relying on his skills and cheat like a total bastard. [He laughs maniacally.]
[Suite glowers at him.] You cheapass mothe-- [He is pulled entirely into the portal, and it closes with a flash.]
[Linky] Thanks for the save, Moby.
[PM smiles.] What're friends for?
[Linky] So, does this mean you'll stop treating me like a kid?
[PM] Yeah. Well, except f-- [He looks at her.] Yeah. I will.
[Linky] Thanks, Moby. That means a lot. [She hugs him again. Naturally, that's the moment that Rick, Sam, Buffalo, and Nick happen to reappear from inside the DDI machine.]
[Sam] Ooops! We're not interrupting anything, are we Big Daddy? [He snickers, and the others join in.]
[PM scowls at them.] Step off, you mugs. I'm just thanking the lady who saved all of our lives.
[The guys all look away sheepishly, as Linky beams.]
TmPM
Overdue, and overlong!
But it's done, anyway. =D
Sarcophagus!
Green Light (!)
#2907
(Evil Mark gives Mickey Jr. a wedgie)
Date: 07/22/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey (Spying in from the alley): An *atomic* wedgie....man, the future's harsh.
Evil Mark: Are you in or what, butthead?
Mickey Jr.: Breaking into Mobius Industries...I don't know. Sounds risky. There's old guys with golf carts!
Evil Mark: oh geez,,,just like your old man!
Mickey: Hey, I'm not that old!
Evil Mark: Hey, did you hear that?
Mickey: Eep! (Runs out of the alley)
Evil Mark: He's getting away!
Mickey Jr.: Wow. Geez, very observant of you.
Evil Mark: Hey shutup! (Starts chasing after Mickey)
Mickey: Damn! (Spots some kids) Hey, kids. I have to use your...hoverboard? The hell? (Gets on the hoverboard...and promptly falls on his ass) OK kids, you can have it back....
Evil Mark: You're gonna get it old ma (Picks up Mickey). Oh...I'm sorry, Mr. Gardener sir! (Puts Mickey down and dusts him off). Have a good day, now...heh heh... (walks away)
Mickey: Huh.....what was that all about?
Voice: So senile you don't even remember, huh?
Mickey: Boy, everybody in the future is so gosh damned rude! I...you?
(Meanwhile....)
Doc Brown: Stop jumping on the bed!
Manute: Manute like future apartment.
Future Manute: Mickey, I'm home!
Doc Brown: Hide! (Pushes Manute out the window) Oops.
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
The Titanic's sinking? Not on my watch!!!!!!!
Red Light
#2908
Previously on TftD: Mickey: You?!
Date: 07/23/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: Bator?
Nick: Very funny. PM told me you'd be here, er...then..PM told me you'd be now! That's it! I would've been sooner if it wasn't for that dreadful video game.
Mickey: But how? How would PM know I was in the future?
Nick: There's a mad science union.
Mickey: Doc Brown? Guh huh???????
Nick: And now to kill you.
Mickey: Kill me? PM wouldn't do that!
Nick: Yes...but I would. I'm still trying to prove my evilness you know.
Mickey: Well....you'll have to catch me first! (runs)
Nick: Idiot. I'm just as good on hoverboards as I am on bikes, you know! (Chases after Mickey)
Mickey: (Runs and stops in front of a building) Advanced Cryogenics. 2,772nd floor. Hey, I got an idea.... (takes the elevator)
(Meanwhile.....)
Manute: Manute can't fly. MANUTE CAN'T FLY!!!!!!!!!! (Grabs on to a flagpole) Ahhh..... (Sees the sign of the office on that floor) "Detachable Flagpoles INC." Uh oh....
(Just then, a second person falls from the sky and grabs the flagpole. It's future Manute...and he's aged...terribly)
Future Manute: Old guy say you me from past.
Manute: You look like me after run in dryer.
Future Manute: The ravages of age....
Manute: Future me look like Webster!
(That scene was interesting, but Nick's caught up to Mickey)
Nick: Thought you could get away from me?
Mickey: Well, yeah, geek.
Nick: Well I...hey!! I got you now though! (Nick lunges at Mickey, but Mickey ducks at the last second and Nick goes headfirst into a cryo tube. Mickey locks him in)
Nick: You've got to the count off 5 to let me out! 1, 2 (Nick freezes)
Mickey: Heh heh heh....(sets dial to 1,000 years) *sigh* You owe me one (Resets it to 5 minutes and leaves. He heads back to get the time machine. He gets there in time to see Doc Brown trying to get in)
Doc Brown: 18 bucks for a porn mag? I hate these airport gift shops...MICKEY!!!!
Mickey: That's my name, old man. You set me up!
Doc Brown: And I did a damn good job, too. (Nuveena walks by Doc Brown)
Mickey: No you didn't (Takes off his shirt)
Nuveena: Not again! (Passes out, knocking Doc Brown unconcious on the way down)
Mickey: WOWO! (Gets in the car and takes off) Now to get Manute and get out of here!
(Back at the cryogenics lab, the 5 minutes are up)
Nick: 3,2..son of a...
Voice: ...WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMOR......
Nick: Shutup...
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
That goat doesn't love you!
Red Light
#2909
Previously in reply 2908! (Read first)
Date: 07/23/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Note: Damn thing didn't paste right)
Mickey: You?
Nick: Yes it is I, time space master
Mickey: Bator?
Now, read reply!
fucking duh.............
#2910
Ahem.
Date: 07/25/2003
From: Carmelita8714
<Carmelita8714 is standing there with her clipboard>
Lita would like me to inform you all that she goofed. There was some stuff she wanted to do with her last two replies, and then while she was writing her replies the ideas just went and flew right out of her head and she forgot to put them in. They don't do much for the plot, but Lita says that for the sake of the comedy she wants me to glue them up here. So here they are. In reply #2903 Lita and Evil Mike go into a secret elevator in order to break into the secret military base and save Spidey. They are almost killed on the way down, and then the elevator opens just in time to introduce them to some new characters. In the original reply they all had a boring conversation, and then Lita and Evil Mike were taken to the brig. <8714 pulls out a script> Here's how it should have gone. <8714 proceeds to read the new script, doing all the voices and reading the exposition:>
***
<The poison gas clears and the doors open. A crowd of Army guys and people in lab coats all turn around and stare at Lita and Evil Mike.>
Lita: Who the hell are you guys?
Army guy: We're members of a secret military monster research facility run by Dr. Langer!
EM: Who is Dr. Langer?
<An older woman in a lab coat steps forward.>
Woman: I am Jenny Langer.
EM: Oh, I see. Dr. Langer is your husband.
Langer: No,
EM: Your father then.
Langer: No,
EM: Your brother?
Langer: No,
EM: Your son? No, it's your grandson! Dr. Langer has to be your grandson!
Langer: <insulted> No! In fact--
EM: I see. You're not related at all! You meant to say Dr. Lang! I know him.
Lita: He met Bono.
EM: Who the hell cares?
Langer: <frustratedly trying to regain control of the situation> *I* am Dr. Langer!
EM: Whaaa??? But you're a woman! <Lita smacks the back of his head> Ow!
Langer: Thank you, young lady. Now, for trespassing in our secret base, for that rude remark about my age and for your obvious chauvinism, you may both go to the brig.
Lita: But I didn't do that stuff! It was Evil Mike!
Langer: You still trespassed.
Lita: Oh yeah.
Langer: <she motions to the army guys> Take them to the brig.
Lita and EM: Doh!
***
8714: Wow... I can sure see why Lita made me come all the way in here just for that. <She sighs and shakes her head.> The next reply, entitled "Dude! Where's my Spidey"... <8714 takes a long pause as she contemplates why she even ever agrees to do continuity repairs> Lita spies on some army guys and a lab guy talking about Spidey. The Lab guy should in fact have been Dr. Langer. Glad I came all the way here for that. Can I leave now?
Lita: <offstage> Say the other thing!
8714: Lita would also like to apologize for any inconvenience these changes may cause you. Geez, Lita! You're right there! Why couldn't you say it?
Lita: <offstage> I don't need to now.
8714: *grumble*
Carmelita8714
was called away
from a very nice shower for this
#2911
Hey 8714!
Date: 07/26/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Lita takes advantage of you! She should be like me and fix her own damn replies, don't you think?
#2912
Damn right!
Date: 07/27/2003
From: Carmelita8714
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
I'm a craftswoman! I can build any damn thing you ask me for! My skills are being totally *wasted* on this stupid reply repair! 9000 could fix her continuity herself but she's too lazy!
Lita8714
#2913
Nobody asked you, Mickey!
Date: 07/27/2003
From: Carmelita9000
.............................................................
Quit causing trouble!
And 8714! Get back to work!
Lita
Queen Bitch for a reason
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2914
Ok, fine, Miss. Bossy Britches! n/t
Date: 07/27/2003
From: Carmelita8714
..........................................................
#2915
Mossy Riches? n/t
Date: 07/27/2003
From: Tork_110
I like video games.
#2916
Potsy's Bitches!
Date: 07/28/2003
From: ItsJustaRiffPeople
Fonz had nothing on him!
IJARP
#2917
(Mickey flies in to the rescue)
Date: 07/30/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: Hang on, buddy!!!
Manute (Losing grip on the flagpole): Manute running out of piggies!
Future Manute: What Manute say!
Mickey: Moleman?? (shakes his head) Ack! Manute!
(Manute starts to fall, Mickey goes to get him)
Future Manute: What about Manute?
Mickey (shouts out the window): I'm going to get him!
Future Manute: OK...but what about Manute???
Mickey: I just told you!!!!!
Future Manute: No you didn't! What about Manute?
(This scene goes on for about 5 minutes, Manute's already hit the ground by now. Stupid Mickey!)
Manute: Owwwwwww..........
Mickey: Well, Manute always lands on his feet, right?
Future Manute: No...you're thinking of a cat.
Mickey: Oh...I knew it was one or the other....Well, time to get Manute and put the future behind us! Ha! Get it? Because....
Future Manute: Ay yi yi...how'd Manute ever start hanging out with you? (Mickey resumes his flight to get Manute) Hey are you ever.....oh sh...
(Back on the ground)
Mickey: Oh, it'll feel good to get back to good ol' 2003 again. (In the distance, screaming and a loud thud are heard)
Manute: But what about future problem?
Mickey: That won't happen for millions of years! Let me deal with it then!
Manute: Actually, just 40...
Mickey: I said, millions of years!!! (Mickey and Manute fly off)
Future Manute: Curse you Mickey T. Gardener!
Nick: He can't hear you anymore!
Future Manute: Oh......
MickeyTheGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post narc x4
I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present...It's a pun, get it?
GREEN LIGHT!!!!!
Next up: Sgt. Lita
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